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Personally am hungry for wisdom from others on dealing with middle-aged struggles, such as deep inner questions, waning significance, growing a neck resembling a melted timepiece and a newfound passion about property shows. Recently, I read the chef’s comments regarding his fiftieth birthday during a chat: “Trimming unnecessary clutter is key to enjoying your later years,” he noted. “Surround yourself with uplifting friends. I’m dodging pessimists – ‘fun sponges’ – and improving at refusing requests.”

At first, I pondered: isn’t this contradictory regarding shunning downbeat folks and mastering refusal? Doesn’t that mean he has to avoid himself? I get it – such remarks define us negative types, and yes, I’m one of them. Although in our community we actually prefer the expression “energy vampire”. Please avoid “wet blanket” or “fun sponge” too – all this comparing us to utilitarian household items is offensive; we have feelings (albeit mainly negative ones). If forced, I’d agree to “gloomy soft cover”.

Maybe you belong to this group as well. Are you less the life and soul of the party and more its accountant or undertaker? Does your thorough reply to casual greetings make people step back nervously? Do proposed “enjoyable” plans trigger a visage akin to having ingested something unpleasant? Can you relate deeply to pessimistic characters; has an intuitive ever described your energy as dull?

If this describes you, you’re in our ranks, and that’s acceptable. Despite a whole self-help-inspired trend urging people to get rid of friends who “drain” them, I’d argue we offer real value. It’s likely an energy vampire would have expressed doubts – or shown a grimace – upon hearing about the planned book with a First Nations lead done without input, possibly avoiding much trouble, distress, and disrespect. Such critical insights aren’t typical from “positive” friends.