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I have been friends with a woman, who has faced and conquered several obstacles, and I respect her for that. Yet, she has been often blindsided by others. Her partner ended their marriage, and it was a huge shock. Several of her social circle drifted away at that point, as they were drawn to him. This surprised her deeply. She made more effort in our friendship, likely understood better what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, quite a few close to her have disappeared and she isn't certain of the reason. The company she worked for turned on her, despite the fact that she was highly competent, and she left not understanding why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we have each retired and are seeing each other more, however, I feel my position in the relationship is as the audience. I start subjects only for her to redirect conversation onto things she cares about. Regarding political views, she holds firm beliefs. My effort is to recommend verifying facts and different perspectives.

She's been arranging a trip to a country I have traveled to repeatedly and resided in previously. My intention was to offer personal experiences, yet it was not welcomed. She purely just desired validation of her decisions. I've just returned from a month in that country and she wants to catch up, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to be a friend who cuts and runs abruptly, yet I doubt she'll truly understand the consequences of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. At this point, my state is avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

It's possible to end things abruptly, however, that approach is seldom the easy answer that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of working things out takes courage and willingness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially involves describing how things go during your discussions. Aim for this to be objective and clear like exactly what occurs. The second is to tell her how it makes you feel. Ideally, there's no dispute on this point. Your feelings are valid, after all. Step three involves requesting ways you together can shift the dynamics of your friendship."

Remember your friend holds perspectives, meaning you must to remain ready to hear that. One effective method involves stating your friend:

"Now you talk while I will remain silent for half an hour."

This can be successful to encourage understanding.

Closing Considerations

This person might reject everything, since certain individuals have a “survival narrative”: they maintain a story of their life they're unable to let go of since their identity depends upon it being the only thing familiar to them. This is difficult when there seems no easy route in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. But she may initially present like this then consider your perspective. And even if a resolution isn't found a fix, it provides satisfaction that you've been truthful.